Still Yo-yoing

I'm still yo-yoing between 235 and 237. Just call me Duncan. At least I'm not getting any heavier than that, so hopefully things will pull forward again soon. It's getting better weather here now, so hopefully more walking is in the near future. I seem to do better when I have some kind of routine, and the routine has been suffering as of late, so maybe that's partly to blame for my lack of attention to exercise and eating healthier. Thanks again for all those who are supporting me.

Speaking of supporting someone, I just got a visit from my buddy Greg, from http://www.fatguyblog.com. He's still hanging in there, he just hasn't had much time to blog lately. His heel spurs are still acting up, though, so exercise for him has been much lessened. I tried to give him some encouragement. I enjoyed his visit, even though I wish I wouldn't have been at work and spent more time with him. Greg is one of those guys whho, even though I haven't known him that long, I feel I can talk to him about nearly anything. He's a lot of fun to talk to, and I'm grateful that his blog led me to contact him and make a new friend. We have a lot of similar interests and I always am enlightened in some ways when he has time to visit. I know a lot of you that read my blog also read his, so I thought I would let you know he is doing okay.

My back is back

I weighed in today at 234, still tied for the lowest weight in several years. I just hope I can keep getting lower bit by bit. The good news, though, is that what I thought was going to be a serious back episode has been very minor. It was a little sore for a couple of days, but has been much better the last few. I'd like to think that it had to do with the fact that last time it went out I weighed around 265. Now that I've lost about 30 pounds, maybe the strain is a little less.

Good news, bad news

The good news is that I finally reached the 235 pound mark again this morning, so hopefully the downward trend will start again. The bad news is that yesterday, while simply leaning forward toward the table to eat, my back popped and it has been pretty darned painful ever since. I just hope that it doesn't get much worse. Right now I can still move a little, but if it doesn't get much better I'm going to have to see a chiropractor or something. I'll keep you updated as to how it progresses (I refuse to write "degresses", I won't let myself think that).

25th Anniversary at work.

Saturday, April 7th, was the 25th Anniversary for our family-owned motorcycle and ATV shop. 25 years in this business can be difficult to achieve, especially in today's cut-throat climate. However, I'm proud to say that we did it. I hope we can be around for at least 25 more. We had a great time at our celebration. The coldest weather for that date in a hundred years crimped the turnout a bit, but the people that did make it out were some of our best customers over the years and we all had a blast. We had a couple of great entertainers, J.D. Pollard, who has done a lot of back-up singing for Motown, and was once Ray Charles' opening act, and a band made up of teenagers, Young At Heart, who play and sing like they are at least ten years older than they are. They definitely have a future ahead of them! They did a cover of "Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and the lead guitar player, who is about sixteen years old, blew the store down practically with the long, blistering guitar solo at the end. If you'd have closed your eyes, you'd have been hard pressed to tell that Skynyrd themselves weren't playing it. Overall, it was a wonderful 25th year celebration and it gave us all in the family a chance to sit back, reflect, and enjoy an accopmplishment we can be proud of.

RealAge.com

Well, over on fatguyblog.com, there is an ad for realage.com, where you can take a test to see what your real age is. That means, what your calender age is adjusted by how well (or not) you have taken care of your body. Some people are older than their calender age and some people who may be older in years that are in good health can be several years younger "real age". To be honest, I did it just for kicks, but I was a bit nervous about it. I expected the results to look something like: Calender age: 38.7 Real age: Methuselah.

Instead, with just a minimum amount of information (some things I just didn't know), I came out just shy of two years older, between 40 and 41. While this still stinks (time flies fast enough without being unhealthy speeding it up) I was better off than I had hoped. Getting healthier, though, can cause that trend to reverse.

Its not a bad little test, so if you're interested in taking it yourself, go to www.realage.com.

Been busy

Its been a prety hectic time at work, so I've been pretty tied up and haven't had much time to update. I'd gotten as heavy as 237.5 this week, but now I'm 236.5. Boy, its frustrating. Getting under the 235 milestone was shortlived. I'd like to do it and make it stay finally. Keep behind me.

These Butts Were Saved By Walking...

I don't smoke, but for those that do and are trying to quit, this study claims that just five minutes of exercise can temporarily cure cravings for cigarettes. Read about it here. They have no idea how long exercise keeps the cravings away, but the effect is supposedly pretty potent. So, the next time you feel like lighting up, start flexing those muscles instead!

A Short Story

I wrote a new short story a few days ago. I am starting to write here and there again. If you'd like to read it, you can read it here. Also, check out one a wrote a few months ago here. Let me know what you think.

Rough Week

Last week was a rough week. I started the week off at 234 and ended at 237. The thing is, most of the weight gain was avoidable by simply making better choices. Instead of having the scrumptuous but artery-clogging all you can eat buffet at the Mexican food place, I could have had one bean burrito and one taco or something. Instead I ate about four times as much overall. That's probably the worst example, but you get the drift, I just wasn't on the top of my game last week.

Yesterday I had a Diet Mountain Dew, the first soda I've had in a little over a month. The good news is that I believe I've successfully broken myself of them. I used to drink three or four 20 ounce bottles of it a day, but now I can say that I prefer water. If you'd have told me that two months ago, I'd have looked at you like you were completely insane. This week I'm trying to do much better and at least try to reach back down to 235 or so by the end of the week. This will test my attitude, because I'm a little down about the 3 pound weight swing.

Warning: May Rise Blood Pressure

Here's a question posed to an advice columnist:
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Harriet Baskas
Travel writer
Dear Well-Mannered Traveler: “Is there a polite way to deal with an extra large passenger seated next to me? These folks always have bags full of food spilling out everywhere, their arm is actually in my seat space, every time they shift their weight my drink spills, etc. I nearly cry every time I see that I am seated next to such a person. Please advise!”- Sheila T., Parkland Florida

If you want to read the author's polite response to this, you can read it here. Here's my response:

Dear Sheila T.,

Take the arm rest of the airplane seat and SHOVE IT UP YOUR WAZOO! When I get down to where I'm no longer overweight, I will truly relish not having to politely deal anymore with smarmy, stuck-up, holier-than-thou attitudes like yours! Do you think I like walking down the aisle, watching skinny anxious faces, praying that I won't be seated next to them? Do you think I like feeling like a piece of dirt because I've finally started losing some weight but haven't reached near my goal yet, and having to put up with your condescending attitude? Even though I'm not near as big as a lot of other obese people, I still take up a good bit of my seat, and I always try to position myself or lean over to not inconvenience others. I know that people are prejudiced and judgemental of overweight people, and I do what I can to make things better for people like you. Grow the heck up, though, miss T., and realize that just because we may be big, we are human and don't like to be treated like we're inconveniencing you by breathing the same air that you do.

By the way, reading some of the comments left on the comments page of the article, this woman's snotty attitude is unfortunately not uncommon.

Still Hanging Around 236

Still weighed 236 today, so I still haven't recovered from the Chinese binge earlier in the week. However, I didn't really help my cause yesterday, either. The Geico Insurance rep brought a bag of freshly baked bagels, and I couldn't resist one, complete with cream cheese. Its always fun when someone brings free food to the store, but I can usually kiss the diet goodbye when they do! Overall, though, I'm not too discouraged about still being 236. Tomorrow is Friday (Lenten Season) so I'll be eaing smaller meals and no meat, so traditionally I've dropped a pound or two after that. It has been beautiful weather for walking this week, but I haven't taken advantage. I need to walk at least 15-20 minutes I think. On the bright side, I've been riding a motorcycle back and forth from work which is definitely more active than driving a car, so I've gotten some exercise from that. Spring is here, HALLELUJAH!

I Was A Badder Boy Than I Thought!

I just came across this story about just how bad Chinese food can be for you. Read it here. I think we've always known that Chinese food wasn't the greatest thing for you, but just look at what a plate of General Tso's Chicken (My favorite!)has, calorie wise and sodium wise. 1300 CALORIES and 3200 GRAMS OF SODIUM! I'm trying to hold my daily calories to around 1600, and the average person needs to eat less that 2200 or so grams of sodium a day, so a plate of my favorite Chinese dish is enough to last me a whole day's worth of calories and almost 2 days worth of sodium! YIKES! I've really got to cut my Chinese intake back to about once a month...(Sigh)

I Been A Bad Boy!

Sunday morning I woke up with the lowest weight I've had in years, 234. I was pretty excited about that and decided to celebrate a little. So, did I celebrate by going for a good long walk? Of course not. Did I celebrate by fixing a healthy, all fruit smoothie? Nyet, comrade. Instead I got a craving for Chinese food. And not just any Chinese food, I'm talking about the Mecca of Chinese food for me, Chef Wang's in Murfreesboro, TN. That's an hour's drive from me, but if I had to, I would crawl there on my knees, barefooted, and flagellating myself with a cat-o-nine tails if it meant a pilgrimage of Chinese food binge eating. The place is extremely crowded, even on Sunday afternoons at 3:30 p.m., when I went yesterday. Angels open the door for you, and inside the scintillating aroma of the Hibachi grill and General Tso's Chicken assault your senses with a promise that Heaven awaits just as soon as you are seated. My mouth started watering twenty miles away just thinking about it. On a cloud, I floated into the buffet room, awaiting the 72 Virgin dishes laid out for me to sample. I was washed away in their warm embrace, snuggling close to the cream cheese won tons, then slipping into the welcoming arms of the Beef and broccoli. On and on I went, from dish to dish in an ecstasy reserved only for the greatest devotees of all-you-can-eat cuisine. Then, I hit the desserts. Sitting at the table, the mound of used plates stacked before me, reality started creeping back in. Well, it exploded in, as my stomach groaned in severe protest. I was so full that I didn't want to eat anything else the rest of the day. My face was as green as the broccoli. Then, the waiter came with the fortune cookie. I couldn't dream of eating the cookie itself, but with trembling fingers I broke it in two and read my fortune: "Confucius say 'You blew it, fatso!'"

Today, I'm back up to 236.

235 Pound Milestone Reached!

I stepped on the scale this morning and was pleased to see it read 235. It took me a few weeks to get there, and now that I'm there, the challenge is to keep the momentum going and set my sights on 230. Eventually, my goal is 180-185. I have to keep from being too impatient. As long as the weight gradually goes, that's a good thing. So, thanks to all who keep encouraging me to stay focused.

Everybody Go Nuts!

Here's an interesting article that suggests that eating as little of 5 ounces of nuts a week can significantly lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of a heart attack.

Now THAT'S medicine I can take!

In my daily routine of herbs and pills I've been taking for prostate health (1 ProstAvan pill from Melaleuca Co., 3 doses a day of Prostate Help, a mixture formulated by my holistic therapist, and one of the vitamins, I forget its name, in my Daily For Life For Men), I've perhaps stumbled on a treatment I can actually enjoy. Sex! Yes, according to this article, sex is good for prostate health! Now, if I can only convince my wife to put on that little nurse's outfit..."Honey, its time to take my medicine!"

Dying Is Easy, Comedy Is Hard...

That was one of the observations made famous among the comedy community by Richard Jeni, one of the most original, brilliant comics ever. Unfortunately, he died much too easily with a self-inflicted gunshot this past Saturday. I'll never understand how someone can bring themselves to that point, but whatever demons he battled, I'm sorry that they won. Richard was one who could take one comedic premise and take off on it for ten minutes. He was very underrated in his career, never achieving the huge fame he deserved, although he certainly was successful. However, among comics, Richard was very well respected as one of the best. Watch one of his clips here, where he does four minutes on a flop of a movie, Jaws 4. Along with Brian Reagan, Richard was one of the purest COMICS that I've ever seen. There are a lot of comics who are wonderful joke writers. You have a lot of comics who are wonderful at physical comedy, but Richard was great at BOTH, and that is a rarity. One of the best bits of advice on stand-up that I ever read came from him. He said, "A joke consists of a set-up and a punchline, but as a comedian, You have to give equal weight to the visual part of the joke. So, a joke consists of not only what the audience hears, but also what they see." That is a skill that is very much overlooked. He loved stand-up and worked hard at it, and it paid off in front of audiences, but unfortunately the laughs weren't enough to hold off the tears. RIP, Richard. The comedy world will miss you!

Today's weight

I stepped on the scales today and it was 235.5! I had been at 236.5 for a few days, so I finally dropped an extra pound. I have been limiting calorie intake a whole lot to get there. I just wonder how much more I would start losing if I actually got off my butt and started exercising some.

World's Most Obese Squid Caught

The world's most obese squid was captured in the waters of the Antarctic Ocean. Read about it here. Before it was frozen and prepared for permanent display in the Museum of New Zealand in Wellington, we asked for an interview from the now world famous squid. In a Belly Up To The Bar world exclusive, the squid agreed to a sit-down over sushi and saltwater cocktails.

H.B. (Me): Thanks for agreeing to the interview! My name is Heath Bar, and you are...

Squid: Alphonse G. Squidward, the G. stands for Gifriggingantic.

H.B.: Just how big a boy are you?

Squid: These guys on the boat said that I weigh half a ton. That's a little misleading, though. I'm waterlogged, there's a lot of extra water weight in this gelatinous goo. I'm hoping by the time I dry out that I'll be closer to 900 pounds. We'll see.

H.B.: How did you manage to get that large?

Squid: Well, my parents blame it on genetics, after all they say "Colossal squid are just naturally enormous creatures", and that I'm "big boned". I think that's just an excuse, though, mainly because I'm an invertebrate! The truth is, though, I have liked to eat ever since I was a squidlet. It started out with whole schools of minnows, then in my teens it was sometimes 10, maybe 12 whitefish at a time, with a side order of three dozen shrimp. Now, the larger the fish the better. If you noticed, when I was caught, I was right in the middle of eating a five foot long toothfish. I wasn't being hauled in, though, until I had polished that baby off! Man, I'm starving now just thinking about that fish. Have you got any cod on you or anything?

H.B.: Uh...no...sorry, I usually don't have any just laying around...

Squid: Oh, well, them's the breaks.

H.B.: So, do you blame your parents for being the size you are?

Squid: They definitely had a tentacle in giving me too much early on, but as time went on, all I wanted to do was eat the ocean! I mean, I'm twice their size, they are simply "Giant squid", I'm a "Collassal Squid".

H.B.: What's one of the biggest advantages to your size?

Squid: I'm too tough for calamari.

H.B.: Finally, how has your life changed now that you're famous?

Squid: It's been amazing. They say I'll be the star of my own documentary. My cousin, "Squidward" on Spongebob Squarepants, has been the only actor in the family to make it big in Hollywood, so I'm definitely happy to be noticed!

H.B.: Well, its been real!

Squid: Everybody see my movie when it comes out, and see my remains at the museum in New Zealand! Uh...did I just say "remains"? REMAINS? WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE...

Now THAT is a Big Man!

A Mexican man, Manuel Uribe, left his house for the first time in five years. Uribe once weighed 1235 pounds! Now, after one year on The Zone diet, he's down nearly 400 pounds, but still weighs over 800. He celebrated by getting forklifted into the back of a truck and driving around town. I truly wish him well. His goal is to get down to 265 pounds, which the doctors say could take 3 or 4 years, so he's still got another 500 or so to go. Man, that makes my goal of 60 pounds seem pretty inconsequential!

Prayers For Family In Grief

Even though I live in Southern Tennessee, I was brought up in North Alabama, and my family has a long history of being Crimson Tide fans. I also attended the University of Alabama for a time. So, being a follower of their sports programs, I subscribe to TiderInsider.com. The owner of that site, Rodney Orr, has been hit with a tragedy that is extremely difficult to comprehend. Yesterday, his son-in-law was killed in a motorcycle accident in Tuscaloosa. Rodney's wife was in Birmingham when she was notified of her son's death, and while driving back to Tuscaloosa, was killed in a separate accident. So, in the span of a few hours, Rodney lost his son-in-law and his wife in two different traffic accidents. Obviously, he is terribly distraught, and any prayers you may send up would be appreciated. I've never met him, but by all who know him, he is a great man.

3 Week Holistic Therapy Update

O.k., here are the details about my three-week follow up visit to Julie Montgomery, H.T. (h.t., of course, for holistic therapist, but it sounds cooler when you say just "Julie Montgomery, H.T." It's kind of like ""Magnum P.I." )

When my wife and I got to the office, Julie's assistant took our PH balance levels (which as I stated in my last post was vastly improved!). You have to give a very small urine sample for the test, which used to be very difficult for me when I went to the doctor. I often would have to wait around over an hour before I could work up enough to go to the bathroom. Now, with all the water I've been drinking, I had to pee like a racehorse when I got to Julie's office, so supplying a sample was not a problem. The larger problem was trying to hold back the flood enough not to overflow the cup! Drinking plenty of water is healthy for you, but it does increase your trips to the latrine. Then, after the PH test, we took a saliva test, where we got some saliva on a test strip, then chewed a vitamin C tablet (I like hose things!) and waited a few seconds and got more saliva on another test strip. I'm not sure what our results were, but Julie didn't say anything about it, so I suppose it wasn't anything abnormal.

My wife's exam was first, and this time she was in much better shape than she was. Some of the problem areas that were found on our first visit had been cleared up. She still has to work on getting her immune system up, but she is doing much better. She was able to discontinue some of what she had been taking in the way of supplements. One thing that she has that she rubs on her feet every night to boost her immune system is called "Thieves Oil". I thought I had heard it wrong, that they were saying Thebes Oil or Leaves Oil or something, but it actually is "Thieves Oil", named after honest to goodness grave robbers! Here is the story: In England, when the Black Plague hit, a lot of rich nobility died and was buried with a lot of their treasure. After the plague, grave robbers tried to relieve them of that treasure, but a whole heck of a lot of them died because the plague was still chillin' in the gravesites. Then, some enterprising thief that knew a lot about herbs and so forth, developed Thieves Oil, which kills off several kinds of bacteria, and from then on they were able to steal and plunder graves without catching the plague. So now my wife has this stuff to rub on her feet to boost her immune system, and I have something to take the next time I go out breaking into mausoleums!

My exam was next. Some of the problem points I had last time, such as my heart, were fine this time. So, when I finish taking my stuff for that, I should be able to discontinue it. Plus, it means my heart is getting healthier! My prostate and colon were still giving me slight problems, but they weren't as bad off as three weks ago, and will hopefully be gone when I take my next checkup in three more weeks. She did find I had a virus, so I have to take an anti-viral supplement for 14 days, but I'd rather do that than get sick. Right now I'm a little stopped up in the nose, but that's all. For that, she gave me a small vial of what looks like either ice cream salt or crack, but tastes very pleasant. One capful of that whenever I need it clears my breathing FAST. Within five minutes of taking it, I was breathing much better. I was surprised, but I guess I shouldn't have been. everything Julie has given us to take for some symptom or another has worked great, as good or better than synthetic drugs without the risks of side effects or toxins for your liver. The more I learn about this stuff, the more impressed I am with it.

My next appointment is in three weeks, another follow-up. Hopefully things will be even better then. I will of course keep you updated.

Well, we're movin' on up...and down

Depending on how you read the title, it can sound like my weight is continuing to rise and I'm starting to get really down on myself. Fortunately, I am happy to report that it is just the opposite! I weighed in at a nice 236.5 this morning. That 235 milestone is in my sights! (I have a milestone every five pounds. That way I can have reasonable short-term goals and achievements to keep me motivated. If every few weeks you reach a goal, it gets you fired up and ready for more) So, my weight is moving slightly down, and my blood sugars are getting better. They're still a little high, but I have seen a big improvement lately. Julie, the homeopathic therapist I have been going to, recommended putting cinnamon sticks in my water. Apparently, cinnamon is a very good natural blood-sugar controller. And, when you simply put a stick in a bottled water (1 stick will last for three bottles) it naturally helps regulate blood sugar and it flavors the water at the same time!

So weight and blood sugar are moving downward, what is moving upward? My PH levels! Nearly three weeks ago, my ph balance was 5.8, which is way too low. (5.0 is almost dead!) Ideal is in the 7.4 range. Last night, at my follow-up visit at Julie's office, my ph balance was 7.6! I actually went slightly too much the other way! My wife's was the same. The people at the office were very proud of us, but not as much as we are proud of ourselves!

I apologize if this post is overly positive, I'm sure I'll be back to gloomy soon (actually, I hope not!).

So Easy A Caveman Could Do It

I've got to admit. I'm excited about the possibility of the Geico cavemen guys getting their own primetime sitcom. Read about it here. No matter what I think about Geico, I love their commercials with the cavemen! There aren't that many ads that I'll stop and watch, but if I'm flipping through the channels and see a caveman in a white tailored suit ordering "Roast duck with the mango salsa", I'll stop and watch. What is the appeal of these cavemen? I don't know, but Geico hit the nail on the head with these guys, and now it looks like thirty second commercials may just end up a 30 minute sitcom.

Speaking of cavemen, I can't remember the name of the book, but it suggests that if we eat like a caveman we will be perfectly healthy. I don't know, maybe this has some merit to it. There was nothing processed or cooked, it was all-natural. Their diet had to consist mostly of fruits and vegetables (How desperately hungry did the first guy to try cauliflower have to be?), nuts and berries, and, of course, meat for protein. It seems somewhat logical to me. You never see a fat caveman. Of course, they also had to start their own fires from rubbing two sticks together and try to keep from becoming a mid-afternoon snack for a dinosaur, so I guess health had a trade-off.

Singing the blah's

A couple of days ago, after eating only 1200 calories, I lost down to 237. The next couple of days I haven't done as well, eating 1800-1900 calories. Thus, I am back up to 239 this morning. I am fighting a little bit of frustration right now. Still, compared to the amount of calories I used to eat (2500 or more a lot of days) I am eating less. Plus, my water intake has gone from 0-16 ounces a day a few weeks ago to 64-80 ounces a day. I still haven't had a Diet Mountain Dew (or any other soda) for 2 1/2 weeks now. The strange thing is, I haven't really missed it much after the first four or five days. I don't know, maybe the weight will slowly come off just by trying to get more healthy. I feel better, I have more energy, I'm just sick and dadgum tired of looking like a gelatinous mass of flab underneath my clothes. Sometimes its debatable who has bigger breasts, me or my wife. Lack of exercise is not helping, either. I'll get fired up and walk in place for 30 minutes for a couple of days, and then get distracted and not do it again for four or five days. Yeah, I know I can do better, and there are people out there now who are supporting me, and that's a good thing. Whereas I used to not give my long-term health much thought, I now think about it an awful lot (of course, taking ox puke pills and grass ensures that its often in the front of my mind). My three week follow up with Julie, the holistic therapist, is tomorrow night, so I'll see how just a few weeks on the program has helped me. Its a long journey, I've just got to keep focused on the prize.

Easy BMI Calculator

This is an easy link to a BMI calculator. All you have to do is enter your height and weight and it calculates your Body Mass Index, or how much blubber you have, and lets you know whether you are underweight (HA!), normal weight (Something I haven't been in years), overweight (heck, I'd even take that right now), or obese. I did this myself, entering my height (5'10), and my weight (239 this morning). I pushed the calculate button and the results were: "Lose some dang weight, fatboy!"

Excellent Article

Here is a great article from MSN Men's Health. Read it here. It documents seven mistakes a lot of men make when trying to lose weight. Some are obvious, eating too much of the wrong things, for example, but there was one that was surprising: Cutting back too much on calories. There are times when I'll practically starve myself throughout the day, but I do not see that much of a difference when I get on the scale the next morning. The reason, according to the article, is if there is too much of a calorie deficiency, the body thinks you have stranded your car in the desert or something and you're going to starve from lack of food. So, in self-preservation, it stores up calories to prolong your life. Little does it know that you're simply cutting way back voluntarily (Who says you can't fool yourself?). 1600-1800 calories a day is the goal you need to shoot for, and eating protein. My parents make a very good fresh fruit smoothie with protein powder. I think after reading this article, I may try to start making some of those myself.

Holistic Therapist's Website

The holistic therapist I've been going to gave me permission to link her web site here, so you can find it on the links page. Or you can simply click here. Her name is Julie Montgomery, and I was waiting a little while to give an endorsement, but after two weeks of seeing improvement in certain areas in not only me, but my wife as well, I think there's a lot of validity to holistic therapy. Think about it. Using herbs, vitamins, and minerals to treat certain medical conditions means no, nada, zero side effects from medicine. Plus, synthetic medicines tax your liver. The next time you hear an ad for a prescription drug (and there are a LOT of them out there), pay attention to hear "Not for those with liver disease" followed by a list of side effects which often make you feel more miserable than the symptoms you are trying to treat. So, if nearly none of these medicines are safe to take if you have a liver disease, you can come to one of two conclusions. 1) The medication in question is hard on the liver. And, 2) If you have liver disease, you're pretty much screwed. There are next to no medications for anything that you can take.

Julie is a very personable lady who truly seems to have a deep concern about every individual patient. And, if there is a way of cutting costs, even if it means less to herself, she'll do it. Don't get me wrong, since insurance doesn't cover vitamins, herbs, and minerals, holistic therapy can get more pricey, but the long-term benefits seem to be worth it. Oh, sure, I'll fuss to high heaven about the costs, but that's just my personality. Julie and her family are very heavy into horses. Their horse barn is incredible, I've seen humans who don't have it as nice. In fact, horses are what Julie started using holistic therapy on several years ago. Then, when people started seeing how good their horses were doing, they wanted a bit of that pie themselves, so she started helping people. Now here's what I don't get: When I was getting examined, she would put pressure on my body at certain points and say, "Does this hurt?" And, I would simply open my human mouth and say "Yes" or "No". How the heck, unless the horse is Mr. Ed (of course), and can talk, can she tell if something is bothering the horse? I could see Julie putting a hand around a certain joint on the front foreleg or something, "Does that hurt?" "NEEEIIIGH!" or "If this hurts, stomp one time for no, two for yes." Humans can communicate feedback, how does a horse? I don't know, but it would be fun to watch a horse exam.

Abuse or Simply Obtuse?

There is a story from England that has been making news the last few days about an eight-year-old boy that weighs a whopping (no other way to put it) 218 pounds. The authorities wanted to possibly remove the child from his home, putting forth that the child's mother was abusing him by letting him get that big. Read about it here.

A couple of things bother me about this story. Yes, I believe that the mother probably is facilitating a lot of the eating this kid is doing, and the type of food he is eating in the story is the typical meat and potatoes type meals, and those certainly do not help weight loss. But to say that the mother is abusing the child, in my opinion, is off base. Responsibility has to fall somewhat onto the child himself. Sure, he's young, but at eight years old a child has enough self-awareness to see how big he is and whether he needs to try to slim down. However, he gushes about all of the stuff he loves to eat, so he's a happy participant in his own largess. Abuse is doing something mean and cruel to a child against their will, but that is clearly not the case here.

Another concern is that possible medical conditions for the boy's obesity haven't been fully explored. That should be a priority. After all, if there is a medical contributing factor here, maybe with a physicians care the kid can lose a lot of weight. And again, medical abnormalities aren't abuse.

In the end, I believe that they made the right decision to keep the child at home. The mother is probably someone who loves that boy with all her heart, but she needs educating as to what is good for him. Let her go to nutritional classes and get him off of so many sweets and heavy carbs. I truly wish the best for this family, that they will get people helping them. Then, maybe there will be a happily-ever-after story for them.

Gastric-Bypass

MSN had a vary interesting article today from a man who had gastric-bypass surgery. Read it here. Obviously this man is very positive about it. I'm of the opinion that the surgery should only be used as a last resort. I'm not saying I would never have it done, but it would be as a "do it or die" situation. I don't think I would do it as elective surgery. I do know a lot of people who have had the surgery and looked completely different in a few short months, so it definitely works, but with some of the side effects like this guy was referring to, it still may not be quite the paradise of doing the work on your own and losing weight. Of course, the advantage with this, it takes the will power equation completely out of the picture.

The Will to Lose

You've always heard of the phrase "Having the will to win". In my journey, I'm going to have to keep "The will to lose". That doesn't mean losing, as in winning and losing, that has to do with losing weight, and it is without a doubt the most difficult part of this process. I have always been notoriously weak on will power, my wife and my priest can back me up on that. This blog is a tool to keep me focused on my goal and not to give up, as long as I have a few people out there who read this and support me. Us big people have got to stick together, so thanks to Greg Todd, who inspired me to do this. Please read his blog at www.fatguyblog.com and help support his efforts, too. He is trying to lose 100 pounds this year, and he's lost nearly 25 of them. Myself, I still weigh about the same as I did last week, right at 240. Please keep us in your thoughts as we struggle to keep the "Will to Lose" and not "Lose the Will".

The Good, The Bad, and the Vomitous

I promised that I would write about my insane regimen of herbs and vitamins, so here it is. Again, many of these things will be discontinued once my body gets to more optimal health. Right now, though, when I'm as healthy and spry as your average 86 year old, I've got a lot to do to get there.

I can tell already that following this holistic program is going to help me lose weight. How? Because I love to eat. I enjoy meal time. However, this new program makes me absolutely DREAD meals, except for maybe lunch! It is simply because I have to swallow so many pills with my meals that I can't stand the thought of sitting down to eat. Too, I get so full of pills that I don't have very much room for food left over. So, maybe I will shed a few pounds. Here is what I take:

Breakfast - 1 Magnesium supplement, 3 "Grass Pills" (unadulterated barley plants! Yum!), 1 ProstAvan for prostate health, 1 AlkaPan (more about this pill later!) and one packet of Vitamins (Men's Total Health, made up of 9 pills in the packet). Plus, one dropperfull of Motherwort (for my heart) that tastes like a straight shot of weapons-grade Jack Daniels, and 15 drops of Prostate Help, which tastes like straight vinegar. Total breakfast intake: 15 pills, 2 squirts.

Before work - 1 Dynalite Pill (for thyroid).

Lunch - Ahhhhh, sweet lunch. I only take 3 Grass Pills, 1 AlkaPan, and 1 Magnesium Supplement. Only 5 pills total at lunch lets me actually enjoy the mid-day meal a little.

Supper - 2 Grass Pills, 1 AlkaPan, 1 Magnesium Supplement, and one Packet of Vitamins (Men's Total Health PM, which is 9 more pills, sigh...) 1 Dropper of Motherwort, and 15 drops of Prostate Health. For those who are counting, that's 13 more pills and 2 more squirts.

Before Bed - 1 Dropper Motherwort, 15 drops of Prostate Help, and rub Melaleuca Oil (This stuff must come direct from the Garden of Eden) into my feet.

I can put up with the few dropperfuls of stuff, but I have always been one to avoid taking pills as much as humanly possible, and now I am taking 34 a DAY! People say, "Heath, they are not pills, they are vitamins and herbs, not pills!" Yeah? Well, it sure looks like a pill, tastes like a pill, and goes down like a pill, what's the difference?

Speaking of the pills, a word of advice: Don't read the pill ingredients unless you are willing to suffer the consequences. One of my pills, AlkaPan (3 a day), is made up mostly of pancreas (UGH!). It sounds to me like cannibalism, I'm eating someone or something's PANCREAS! And, if the thought of ingesting pancreas doesn't make your mouth water, how about this next ingredient, and I'm not kidding - Ox Bile. OX BILE! I'm swallowing VOMIT FROM AN OX, dried and in pill form!! Someone please go ahead and kill me now! This begs the next disturbing question - Who in the heck discovered that OX VOMIT had healthy properties? I keep imagining Paul Bunyon walking along with his ox Babe, and Babe is looking more green than blue. Suddenly Babe vomits a lake-sized puddle. Paul Bunyon looks at it and says, "You know, I bet that's mighty good for me!" And what is it about ox puke that makes it any different from other animals, like say, rabbit puke? How many animals did scientists have to make throw up before they found just the right ingredient, and it only came from an ox?

I apologize for sounding so negative thus far, but I absolutely HATE all of the pills. To be fair, though, here comes the good part. I have felt more energy. I don't have trouble sleeping, but now I sleep more restful. I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom. My sinuses have been better the last few days. I have a follow-up session in about 10 days, so I'll know more then about where my PH level is.

The bottom line is, I am encouraged by some of the early results of starting holistic therapy, and if I can continue to get better I am excited to see the results. Now If I can just fight the depression of knowing that pills will be a pretty-much permanent part of most of my meals from here on out.

Eating Organic Cheaply (or): The Impossible Dream

Here is a very good article that was posted about ideas to eat on $7 a day organically. Read it here. It aggravates me that you can eat all day long pretty cheap on fast food and junk food, but you pay out the nose for organic stuff that is actually good for you. It should be the other way around!

Holistic Therapy (or): "Give Me A Hit Of That Grass!"

One week ago I attended my first session with a holistic therapist. For those unfamiliar with the term, they are therapists who eschew regular medicine and doctors and treat maladies with herbs and minerals. My wife works with people who have gone and raved about how much better they felt, how much healthier they were, how much weight they were able to lose, etc. So, rather reluctantly, my wife and I made an appointment and went. I am going to chronicle a lot of this on my blog, and I am going to be honest with you in terms of what I perceive, good and bad. These opinions are mine and mine alone. I do not claim to be an expert or giving medical advice, not that anyone would want to hear my advice anyway!

First of all, let me make one point clear: The only reason I'm giving this a try is to get healthier in an overall way. I am not giving up medical doctors. If I think I have a serious condition, I am going to a medical doctor. The holistic therapy is simply for getting my body healthier so I won't have to see my medical doctor very often. It's more of a supplemental health program.

As I said, I was rather reluctant to go at first. I had heard of several people getting over very serious diseases, including bone cancer, using natural medicines instead of synthetic medicines, but I have never been a huge follower of the au naturale, new age type movement. I do not keep up with what herbs and minerals and so forth are good for. I had heard of Saint John's Wart, but I'll be darned if I could figure out what was so special about this man's skin lesion that they would name something after it. (Yes, I know now that it is "wort", not "wart") I expected the therapist to be a flower power child of the sixties named Sunstar or something like that. Instead, she was a very friendly, middle-aged, somewhat clinical, ordinary person. She did exude a touch of hippyism, but at least she didn't wear a tye-dye lab coat. It was regular white. Her assistant was also quite friendly.

My blood pressure was a bit high, so I'm concerned about that. After giving a urine sample (fortunately I had to pee, otherwise we'd have been there all night!), my PH level was 5.8, which judging by the doomsday look on their faces was not good. Normal is supposed to be somewhere around 7.6. Oddly enough, my wife's level was the same as mine, 5.8. Below 5.0 is dead, so what I gathered is that I've got .8 of a foot in the grave.

She had me jump up on a massage table and started pressing pressure points on me to see if any of them hurt. Some didn't, but a few did. These obviously pointed out trouble spots. Now, I'll have to admit, this part was pretty cool: If a spot was sore, she would lay a packet or bottle of herbs on my stomach and the soreness would immediately disappear or be greatly reduced. I later found out that these were the packets of vitamins and herbs she was going to prescribe me. To sum up the exam, she found deficiencies with my thyroid, heart, pancreas, and prostate. She then gave my some bottles; some with pills in them, some liquid with droppers in them. She also discovered I had a rib out of line and popped that back in, and that my right leg was 1/2" longer than my left leg (which was somewhat puzzling, since both feet touch the floor!). I didn't know if there was anything she could do about that except put me in a medieval torture device or something, and she didn't say anything was odd about it, so I let it go. Come to find out, my wife was just the opposite, she was longer in her left leg. I guess opposites really do attract.

Now for the part I didn't like: The bill. The initial session was about the same as many physician's office visit fee, but subsequent follow-ups are much cheaper, so I am pleased with the cost of the sessions. However, when someone says, "Think of the costs of the vitamins, herbs, and minerals as an investment for your health...", what they really mean is "I installed sound-padding on the walls to reduce the decibels of your scream when I tell you how much you are fixing to have to shell out". The sessions are really reasonable, but its the supplements and sprays and vitamins and herbs that cost! and Cost! and COST! In my next post, I will detail the insane regimen of what I now take, but fortunately I was told that this is only temporary until my body detoxes itself, which should take a couple of months. Wow. I never figured that I would ever go to detox. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, but here I am in friggin' french fry rehab.

My wife and I are going to give this a serious go, though. After my session, I went out and bought a case of water instead of soda, and I haven't had a soda in over a week now. I also picked up some organic grape juice. I really want to try to make this work. I started taking my herbs and vitamins the next day. One of the pills I take (8 a day!) is green and tastes just like grass that you would pick out of the dirt. I looked at the ingredients and it said "100% pure, unadulterated, dried BARLEY PLANTS!" MMM-MMMM! Nothing like the taste of sod first thing in the morning! I call them my grass pills now. I soon found out, though, that there was something even more disturbing in one of my pills. Find out in my next post...

Heeere They Come To Save The Daaay!

There's a new video game for teens and pre-teens that targets the danger of obesity. Read about it here. I have mixed feelings about this. I do not doubt the sincerity of what they are trying, but I wonder how effective it will be. Their main target (teens and pre-teens who are already overweight) consists of many video gamers who sit all day in front of their consoles, eating chips and swigging sodas, and wearing astronaut diapers so that they won't be bothered by having to go to the bathroom while they are playing "Halo". They do not get outside and exercise very often. So, if this game of bad puns (Obeez City and Col Esterol, etc.) catches on, I predict that these same gamers will be playing the game while sitting all day at their console and still swigging chips and sodas. I don't see them switching to celery sticks and carrots. It'll be just another game to these "Generation i" kids (That means the internet generation, as opposed to my generation, Generation X, which means the geezer generation to them). Kids now have so many choices for inside entertainment, they don't have to go outside to keep from getting bored. So, I'm not sure if giving them another reason to stay inside and play a game instead of going outside and exercise is necessarily the right thing to do.

State of My Union

This is where I am at right now. I weigh 239 pounds and I am 5'10". Ideal weight for me is around the 180 mark, but I'll be happy to just get below the 200 threshold. I did lose about 20 pounds last year, starting at 260. However, if I really focus on my goal, maybe I can get below 200 by the end of this year. I am starting to get a few complications from my weight, most notably Diabetes Type II. My doctor says that with weight loss, I can easily control it or eliminate it. I can only hope.

I can tell I'm out of shape. I get winded going up a flight of stairs. If a mugger were to chase me, I'd make it about ten yards and he'd get me. I've seen fourth graders that can lift more weights than me (and THAT'S embarrassing, especially when they are girls!). I sweat like Bill Clinton at the Playboy mansion, and I have sleep apnea (I also suffer from sleep apathy - that's where I dream that I really don't give a crap!).

I am addicted to Diet Mountain Dew, but I am slowly breaking myself of that habit. For the past five days I have drank only water with cinnamon sticks (natural blood sugar controller), organic grape juice, and a few small glasses of milk. I've got to admit, drinking a lot more water has taken a little getting used to, but I do feel a little more energetic. Plus, my singing voice has gotten much clearer, less muddy sounding than when I was drinking so much soda.

One of my other addictions is potato chips, fries, etc. Today is the start of Lent, so I am giving up potato chips. That's forty days, for those not familiar with Lent. Maybe after forty days without them, it'll be easier to give them up pretty much for good. Wish me luck.

I'll write soon in depth about my experiences starting a new holistic therapy program. I've only just started it, so I'll have a lot of questions and thoughts on it, but I am giving it a go. It's pretty interesting, though, so maybe some of you will learn something new. I know I have.Well, until the next round...

Heath Bar 101

Welcome to Belly Up to the Bar. I chose the name because of my nickname, Heath Bar, and the fact that I have a very large belly. I have gotten plenty of laughs with jokes like:

"I just got out of the Army recently - I'm on maternity leave"
"I am better than Mardi Gras! Mardi Gras, in French, literally means 'Fat Tuesday'. Heck, I'm fat seven days a week!"

or

"My wife is from Hawaii. When I met her relatives for the first time, they were so happy they said that they were throwing a huge Luau and killing the fattest pig around to roast. I was excited about this until they started chasing ME around with their knives!"

To tell the truth, though, I'm tired of using fat jokes to get cheap laughs. I'm just plain tired of being fat, regardless. I work as the sales manager for a motorcycle and ATV dealership, and a lot of times I'll answer the phone and some guy will say, "I was talking to a salesman there the other day, and I can't remember the name of the salesperson I was talking to, but he was sort of a big guy..." They won't come right out and say it, but you know they mean "The fat dude."

And, if I ever hear somebody say "You've got dickeydo disease. Your belly hangs lower than your dickeydo!" or "You've got dunlop disease. Your belly has dunlopped over your belt!" again, I can't promise to be liable for my actions.

Obesity is a very serious condition, though, and its no fun to go to your physician and seeing that label on your file. And, look at the news, they are always talking about how fat we're getting, complete with a camera view of a lot of fat people walking down the street. They never show their faces, either, just a shot of their belly. I'd like to apply for that modeling gig. Maybe I get a few extra bucks. Regardless, I want to go ahead and dump the pounds. I don't want to be living my Golden years in my late thirties. I'd like to save those until my seventies, at least.

So, this blog is going to deal a lot with weight and my journey to get healthier. That is not the only thing, though. If there is something on my mind, regardless of what it is, I may write about it. I hope some of you enjoy this blog (I hate the word 'blog'. It sounds like something you'd blow out of your nose!) and will comment on what I write and encourage me. Thanks for reading, and 'Belly up to the Bar, Mate!"