Been busy

Its been a prety hectic time at work, so I've been pretty tied up and haven't had much time to update. I'd gotten as heavy as 237.5 this week, but now I'm 236.5. Boy, its frustrating. Getting under the 235 milestone was shortlived. I'd like to do it and make it stay finally. Keep behind me.

These Butts Were Saved By Walking...

I don't smoke, but for those that do and are trying to quit, this study claims that just five minutes of exercise can temporarily cure cravings for cigarettes. Read about it here. They have no idea how long exercise keeps the cravings away, but the effect is supposedly pretty potent. So, the next time you feel like lighting up, start flexing those muscles instead!

A Short Story

I wrote a new short story a few days ago. I am starting to write here and there again. If you'd like to read it, you can read it here. Also, check out one a wrote a few months ago here. Let me know what you think.

Rough Week

Last week was a rough week. I started the week off at 234 and ended at 237. The thing is, most of the weight gain was avoidable by simply making better choices. Instead of having the scrumptuous but artery-clogging all you can eat buffet at the Mexican food place, I could have had one bean burrito and one taco or something. Instead I ate about four times as much overall. That's probably the worst example, but you get the drift, I just wasn't on the top of my game last week.

Yesterday I had a Diet Mountain Dew, the first soda I've had in a little over a month. The good news is that I believe I've successfully broken myself of them. I used to drink three or four 20 ounce bottles of it a day, but now I can say that I prefer water. If you'd have told me that two months ago, I'd have looked at you like you were completely insane. This week I'm trying to do much better and at least try to reach back down to 235 or so by the end of the week. This will test my attitude, because I'm a little down about the 3 pound weight swing.

Warning: May Rise Blood Pressure

Here's a question posed to an advice columnist:
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Harriet Baskas
Travel writer
Dear Well-Mannered Traveler: “Is there a polite way to deal with an extra large passenger seated next to me? These folks always have bags full of food spilling out everywhere, their arm is actually in my seat space, every time they shift their weight my drink spills, etc. I nearly cry every time I see that I am seated next to such a person. Please advise!”- Sheila T., Parkland Florida

If you want to read the author's polite response to this, you can read it here. Here's my response:

Dear Sheila T.,

Take the arm rest of the airplane seat and SHOVE IT UP YOUR WAZOO! When I get down to where I'm no longer overweight, I will truly relish not having to politely deal anymore with smarmy, stuck-up, holier-than-thou attitudes like yours! Do you think I like walking down the aisle, watching skinny anxious faces, praying that I won't be seated next to them? Do you think I like feeling like a piece of dirt because I've finally started losing some weight but haven't reached near my goal yet, and having to put up with your condescending attitude? Even though I'm not near as big as a lot of other obese people, I still take up a good bit of my seat, and I always try to position myself or lean over to not inconvenience others. I know that people are prejudiced and judgemental of overweight people, and I do what I can to make things better for people like you. Grow the heck up, though, miss T., and realize that just because we may be big, we are human and don't like to be treated like we're inconveniencing you by breathing the same air that you do.

By the way, reading some of the comments left on the comments page of the article, this woman's snotty attitude is unfortunately not uncommon.

Still Hanging Around 236

Still weighed 236 today, so I still haven't recovered from the Chinese binge earlier in the week. However, I didn't really help my cause yesterday, either. The Geico Insurance rep brought a bag of freshly baked bagels, and I couldn't resist one, complete with cream cheese. Its always fun when someone brings free food to the store, but I can usually kiss the diet goodbye when they do! Overall, though, I'm not too discouraged about still being 236. Tomorrow is Friday (Lenten Season) so I'll be eaing smaller meals and no meat, so traditionally I've dropped a pound or two after that. It has been beautiful weather for walking this week, but I haven't taken advantage. I need to walk at least 15-20 minutes I think. On the bright side, I've been riding a motorcycle back and forth from work which is definitely more active than driving a car, so I've gotten some exercise from that. Spring is here, HALLELUJAH!

I Was A Badder Boy Than I Thought!

I just came across this story about just how bad Chinese food can be for you. Read it here. I think we've always known that Chinese food wasn't the greatest thing for you, but just look at what a plate of General Tso's Chicken (My favorite!)has, calorie wise and sodium wise. 1300 CALORIES and 3200 GRAMS OF SODIUM! I'm trying to hold my daily calories to around 1600, and the average person needs to eat less that 2200 or so grams of sodium a day, so a plate of my favorite Chinese dish is enough to last me a whole day's worth of calories and almost 2 days worth of sodium! YIKES! I've really got to cut my Chinese intake back to about once a month...(Sigh)

I Been A Bad Boy!

Sunday morning I woke up with the lowest weight I've had in years, 234. I was pretty excited about that and decided to celebrate a little. So, did I celebrate by going for a good long walk? Of course not. Did I celebrate by fixing a healthy, all fruit smoothie? Nyet, comrade. Instead I got a craving for Chinese food. And not just any Chinese food, I'm talking about the Mecca of Chinese food for me, Chef Wang's in Murfreesboro, TN. That's an hour's drive from me, but if I had to, I would crawl there on my knees, barefooted, and flagellating myself with a cat-o-nine tails if it meant a pilgrimage of Chinese food binge eating. The place is extremely crowded, even on Sunday afternoons at 3:30 p.m., when I went yesterday. Angels open the door for you, and inside the scintillating aroma of the Hibachi grill and General Tso's Chicken assault your senses with a promise that Heaven awaits just as soon as you are seated. My mouth started watering twenty miles away just thinking about it. On a cloud, I floated into the buffet room, awaiting the 72 Virgin dishes laid out for me to sample. I was washed away in their warm embrace, snuggling close to the cream cheese won tons, then slipping into the welcoming arms of the Beef and broccoli. On and on I went, from dish to dish in an ecstasy reserved only for the greatest devotees of all-you-can-eat cuisine. Then, I hit the desserts. Sitting at the table, the mound of used plates stacked before me, reality started creeping back in. Well, it exploded in, as my stomach groaned in severe protest. I was so full that I didn't want to eat anything else the rest of the day. My face was as green as the broccoli. Then, the waiter came with the fortune cookie. I couldn't dream of eating the cookie itself, but with trembling fingers I broke it in two and read my fortune: "Confucius say 'You blew it, fatso!'"

Today, I'm back up to 236.

235 Pound Milestone Reached!

I stepped on the scale this morning and was pleased to see it read 235. It took me a few weeks to get there, and now that I'm there, the challenge is to keep the momentum going and set my sights on 230. Eventually, my goal is 180-185. I have to keep from being too impatient. As long as the weight gradually goes, that's a good thing. So, thanks to all who keep encouraging me to stay focused.

Everybody Go Nuts!

Here's an interesting article that suggests that eating as little of 5 ounces of nuts a week can significantly lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of a heart attack.

Now THAT'S medicine I can take!

In my daily routine of herbs and pills I've been taking for prostate health (1 ProstAvan pill from Melaleuca Co., 3 doses a day of Prostate Help, a mixture formulated by my holistic therapist, and one of the vitamins, I forget its name, in my Daily For Life For Men), I've perhaps stumbled on a treatment I can actually enjoy. Sex! Yes, according to this article, sex is good for prostate health! Now, if I can only convince my wife to put on that little nurse's outfit..."Honey, its time to take my medicine!"

Dying Is Easy, Comedy Is Hard...

That was one of the observations made famous among the comedy community by Richard Jeni, one of the most original, brilliant comics ever. Unfortunately, he died much too easily with a self-inflicted gunshot this past Saturday. I'll never understand how someone can bring themselves to that point, but whatever demons he battled, I'm sorry that they won. Richard was one who could take one comedic premise and take off on it for ten minutes. He was very underrated in his career, never achieving the huge fame he deserved, although he certainly was successful. However, among comics, Richard was very well respected as one of the best. Watch one of his clips here, where he does four minutes on a flop of a movie, Jaws 4. Along with Brian Reagan, Richard was one of the purest COMICS that I've ever seen. There are a lot of comics who are wonderful joke writers. You have a lot of comics who are wonderful at physical comedy, but Richard was great at BOTH, and that is a rarity. One of the best bits of advice on stand-up that I ever read came from him. He said, "A joke consists of a set-up and a punchline, but as a comedian, You have to give equal weight to the visual part of the joke. So, a joke consists of not only what the audience hears, but also what they see." That is a skill that is very much overlooked. He loved stand-up and worked hard at it, and it paid off in front of audiences, but unfortunately the laughs weren't enough to hold off the tears. RIP, Richard. The comedy world will miss you!

Today's weight

I stepped on the scales today and it was 235.5! I had been at 236.5 for a few days, so I finally dropped an extra pound. I have been limiting calorie intake a whole lot to get there. I just wonder how much more I would start losing if I actually got off my butt and started exercising some.

World's Most Obese Squid Caught

The world's most obese squid was captured in the waters of the Antarctic Ocean. Read about it here. Before it was frozen and prepared for permanent display in the Museum of New Zealand in Wellington, we asked for an interview from the now world famous squid. In a Belly Up To The Bar world exclusive, the squid agreed to a sit-down over sushi and saltwater cocktails.

H.B. (Me): Thanks for agreeing to the interview! My name is Heath Bar, and you are...

Squid: Alphonse G. Squidward, the G. stands for Gifriggingantic.

H.B.: Just how big a boy are you?

Squid: These guys on the boat said that I weigh half a ton. That's a little misleading, though. I'm waterlogged, there's a lot of extra water weight in this gelatinous goo. I'm hoping by the time I dry out that I'll be closer to 900 pounds. We'll see.

H.B.: How did you manage to get that large?

Squid: Well, my parents blame it on genetics, after all they say "Colossal squid are just naturally enormous creatures", and that I'm "big boned". I think that's just an excuse, though, mainly because I'm an invertebrate! The truth is, though, I have liked to eat ever since I was a squidlet. It started out with whole schools of minnows, then in my teens it was sometimes 10, maybe 12 whitefish at a time, with a side order of three dozen shrimp. Now, the larger the fish the better. If you noticed, when I was caught, I was right in the middle of eating a five foot long toothfish. I wasn't being hauled in, though, until I had polished that baby off! Man, I'm starving now just thinking about that fish. Have you got any cod on you or anything?

H.B.: Uh...no...sorry, I usually don't have any just laying around...

Squid: Oh, well, them's the breaks.

H.B.: So, do you blame your parents for being the size you are?

Squid: They definitely had a tentacle in giving me too much early on, but as time went on, all I wanted to do was eat the ocean! I mean, I'm twice their size, they are simply "Giant squid", I'm a "Collassal Squid".

H.B.: What's one of the biggest advantages to your size?

Squid: I'm too tough for calamari.

H.B.: Finally, how has your life changed now that you're famous?

Squid: It's been amazing. They say I'll be the star of my own documentary. My cousin, "Squidward" on Spongebob Squarepants, has been the only actor in the family to make it big in Hollywood, so I'm definitely happy to be noticed!

H.B.: Well, its been real!

Squid: Everybody see my movie when it comes out, and see my remains at the museum in New Zealand! Uh...did I just say "remains"? REMAINS? WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE...

Now THAT is a Big Man!

A Mexican man, Manuel Uribe, left his house for the first time in five years. Uribe once weighed 1235 pounds! Now, after one year on The Zone diet, he's down nearly 400 pounds, but still weighs over 800. He celebrated by getting forklifted into the back of a truck and driving around town. I truly wish him well. His goal is to get down to 265 pounds, which the doctors say could take 3 or 4 years, so he's still got another 500 or so to go. Man, that makes my goal of 60 pounds seem pretty inconsequential!

Prayers For Family In Grief

Even though I live in Southern Tennessee, I was brought up in North Alabama, and my family has a long history of being Crimson Tide fans. I also attended the University of Alabama for a time. So, being a follower of their sports programs, I subscribe to TiderInsider.com. The owner of that site, Rodney Orr, has been hit with a tragedy that is extremely difficult to comprehend. Yesterday, his son-in-law was killed in a motorcycle accident in Tuscaloosa. Rodney's wife was in Birmingham when she was notified of her son's death, and while driving back to Tuscaloosa, was killed in a separate accident. So, in the span of a few hours, Rodney lost his son-in-law and his wife in two different traffic accidents. Obviously, he is terribly distraught, and any prayers you may send up would be appreciated. I've never met him, but by all who know him, he is a great man.

3 Week Holistic Therapy Update

O.k., here are the details about my three-week follow up visit to Julie Montgomery, H.T. (h.t., of course, for holistic therapist, but it sounds cooler when you say just "Julie Montgomery, H.T." It's kind of like ""Magnum P.I." )

When my wife and I got to the office, Julie's assistant took our PH balance levels (which as I stated in my last post was vastly improved!). You have to give a very small urine sample for the test, which used to be very difficult for me when I went to the doctor. I often would have to wait around over an hour before I could work up enough to go to the bathroom. Now, with all the water I've been drinking, I had to pee like a racehorse when I got to Julie's office, so supplying a sample was not a problem. The larger problem was trying to hold back the flood enough not to overflow the cup! Drinking plenty of water is healthy for you, but it does increase your trips to the latrine. Then, after the PH test, we took a saliva test, where we got some saliva on a test strip, then chewed a vitamin C tablet (I like hose things!) and waited a few seconds and got more saliva on another test strip. I'm not sure what our results were, but Julie didn't say anything about it, so I suppose it wasn't anything abnormal.

My wife's exam was first, and this time she was in much better shape than she was. Some of the problem areas that were found on our first visit had been cleared up. She still has to work on getting her immune system up, but she is doing much better. She was able to discontinue some of what she had been taking in the way of supplements. One thing that she has that she rubs on her feet every night to boost her immune system is called "Thieves Oil". I thought I had heard it wrong, that they were saying Thebes Oil or Leaves Oil or something, but it actually is "Thieves Oil", named after honest to goodness grave robbers! Here is the story: In England, when the Black Plague hit, a lot of rich nobility died and was buried with a lot of their treasure. After the plague, grave robbers tried to relieve them of that treasure, but a whole heck of a lot of them died because the plague was still chillin' in the gravesites. Then, some enterprising thief that knew a lot about herbs and so forth, developed Thieves Oil, which kills off several kinds of bacteria, and from then on they were able to steal and plunder graves without catching the plague. So now my wife has this stuff to rub on her feet to boost her immune system, and I have something to take the next time I go out breaking into mausoleums!

My exam was next. Some of the problem points I had last time, such as my heart, were fine this time. So, when I finish taking my stuff for that, I should be able to discontinue it. Plus, it means my heart is getting healthier! My prostate and colon were still giving me slight problems, but they weren't as bad off as three weks ago, and will hopefully be gone when I take my next checkup in three more weeks. She did find I had a virus, so I have to take an anti-viral supplement for 14 days, but I'd rather do that than get sick. Right now I'm a little stopped up in the nose, but that's all. For that, she gave me a small vial of what looks like either ice cream salt or crack, but tastes very pleasant. One capful of that whenever I need it clears my breathing FAST. Within five minutes of taking it, I was breathing much better. I was surprised, but I guess I shouldn't have been. everything Julie has given us to take for some symptom or another has worked great, as good or better than synthetic drugs without the risks of side effects or toxins for your liver. The more I learn about this stuff, the more impressed I am with it.

My next appointment is in three weeks, another follow-up. Hopefully things will be even better then. I will of course keep you updated.

Well, we're movin' on up...and down

Depending on how you read the title, it can sound like my weight is continuing to rise and I'm starting to get really down on myself. Fortunately, I am happy to report that it is just the opposite! I weighed in at a nice 236.5 this morning. That 235 milestone is in my sights! (I have a milestone every five pounds. That way I can have reasonable short-term goals and achievements to keep me motivated. If every few weeks you reach a goal, it gets you fired up and ready for more) So, my weight is moving slightly down, and my blood sugars are getting better. They're still a little high, but I have seen a big improvement lately. Julie, the homeopathic therapist I have been going to, recommended putting cinnamon sticks in my water. Apparently, cinnamon is a very good natural blood-sugar controller. And, when you simply put a stick in a bottled water (1 stick will last for three bottles) it naturally helps regulate blood sugar and it flavors the water at the same time!

So weight and blood sugar are moving downward, what is moving upward? My PH levels! Nearly three weeks ago, my ph balance was 5.8, which is way too low. (5.0 is almost dead!) Ideal is in the 7.4 range. Last night, at my follow-up visit at Julie's office, my ph balance was 7.6! I actually went slightly too much the other way! My wife's was the same. The people at the office were very proud of us, but not as much as we are proud of ourselves!

I apologize if this post is overly positive, I'm sure I'll be back to gloomy soon (actually, I hope not!).

So Easy A Caveman Could Do It

I've got to admit. I'm excited about the possibility of the Geico cavemen guys getting their own primetime sitcom. Read about it here. No matter what I think about Geico, I love their commercials with the cavemen! There aren't that many ads that I'll stop and watch, but if I'm flipping through the channels and see a caveman in a white tailored suit ordering "Roast duck with the mango salsa", I'll stop and watch. What is the appeal of these cavemen? I don't know, but Geico hit the nail on the head with these guys, and now it looks like thirty second commercials may just end up a 30 minute sitcom.

Speaking of cavemen, I can't remember the name of the book, but it suggests that if we eat like a caveman we will be perfectly healthy. I don't know, maybe this has some merit to it. There was nothing processed or cooked, it was all-natural. Their diet had to consist mostly of fruits and vegetables (How desperately hungry did the first guy to try cauliflower have to be?), nuts and berries, and, of course, meat for protein. It seems somewhat logical to me. You never see a fat caveman. Of course, they also had to start their own fires from rubbing two sticks together and try to keep from becoming a mid-afternoon snack for a dinosaur, so I guess health had a trade-off.

Singing the blah's

A couple of days ago, after eating only 1200 calories, I lost down to 237. The next couple of days I haven't done as well, eating 1800-1900 calories. Thus, I am back up to 239 this morning. I am fighting a little bit of frustration right now. Still, compared to the amount of calories I used to eat (2500 or more a lot of days) I am eating less. Plus, my water intake has gone from 0-16 ounces a day a few weeks ago to 64-80 ounces a day. I still haven't had a Diet Mountain Dew (or any other soda) for 2 1/2 weeks now. The strange thing is, I haven't really missed it much after the first four or five days. I don't know, maybe the weight will slowly come off just by trying to get more healthy. I feel better, I have more energy, I'm just sick and dadgum tired of looking like a gelatinous mass of flab underneath my clothes. Sometimes its debatable who has bigger breasts, me or my wife. Lack of exercise is not helping, either. I'll get fired up and walk in place for 30 minutes for a couple of days, and then get distracted and not do it again for four or five days. Yeah, I know I can do better, and there are people out there now who are supporting me, and that's a good thing. Whereas I used to not give my long-term health much thought, I now think about it an awful lot (of course, taking ox puke pills and grass ensures that its often in the front of my mind). My three week follow up with Julie, the holistic therapist, is tomorrow night, so I'll see how just a few weeks on the program has helped me. Its a long journey, I've just got to keep focused on the prize.

Easy BMI Calculator

This is an easy link to a BMI calculator. All you have to do is enter your height and weight and it calculates your Body Mass Index, or how much blubber you have, and lets you know whether you are underweight (HA!), normal weight (Something I haven't been in years), overweight (heck, I'd even take that right now), or obese. I did this myself, entering my height (5'10), and my weight (239 this morning). I pushed the calculate button and the results were: "Lose some dang weight, fatboy!"

Excellent Article

Here is a great article from MSN Men's Health. Read it here. It documents seven mistakes a lot of men make when trying to lose weight. Some are obvious, eating too much of the wrong things, for example, but there was one that was surprising: Cutting back too much on calories. There are times when I'll practically starve myself throughout the day, but I do not see that much of a difference when I get on the scale the next morning. The reason, according to the article, is if there is too much of a calorie deficiency, the body thinks you have stranded your car in the desert or something and you're going to starve from lack of food. So, in self-preservation, it stores up calories to prolong your life. Little does it know that you're simply cutting way back voluntarily (Who says you can't fool yourself?). 1600-1800 calories a day is the goal you need to shoot for, and eating protein. My parents make a very good fresh fruit smoothie with protein powder. I think after reading this article, I may try to start making some of those myself.

Holistic Therapist's Website

The holistic therapist I've been going to gave me permission to link her web site here, so you can find it on the links page. Or you can simply click here. Her name is Julie Montgomery, and I was waiting a little while to give an endorsement, but after two weeks of seeing improvement in certain areas in not only me, but my wife as well, I think there's a lot of validity to holistic therapy. Think about it. Using herbs, vitamins, and minerals to treat certain medical conditions means no, nada, zero side effects from medicine. Plus, synthetic medicines tax your liver. The next time you hear an ad for a prescription drug (and there are a LOT of them out there), pay attention to hear "Not for those with liver disease" followed by a list of side effects which often make you feel more miserable than the symptoms you are trying to treat. So, if nearly none of these medicines are safe to take if you have a liver disease, you can come to one of two conclusions. 1) The medication in question is hard on the liver. And, 2) If you have liver disease, you're pretty much screwed. There are next to no medications for anything that you can take.

Julie is a very personable lady who truly seems to have a deep concern about every individual patient. And, if there is a way of cutting costs, even if it means less to herself, she'll do it. Don't get me wrong, since insurance doesn't cover vitamins, herbs, and minerals, holistic therapy can get more pricey, but the long-term benefits seem to be worth it. Oh, sure, I'll fuss to high heaven about the costs, but that's just my personality. Julie and her family are very heavy into horses. Their horse barn is incredible, I've seen humans who don't have it as nice. In fact, horses are what Julie started using holistic therapy on several years ago. Then, when people started seeing how good their horses were doing, they wanted a bit of that pie themselves, so she started helping people. Now here's what I don't get: When I was getting examined, she would put pressure on my body at certain points and say, "Does this hurt?" And, I would simply open my human mouth and say "Yes" or "No". How the heck, unless the horse is Mr. Ed (of course), and can talk, can she tell if something is bothering the horse? I could see Julie putting a hand around a certain joint on the front foreleg or something, "Does that hurt?" "NEEEIIIGH!" or "If this hurts, stomp one time for no, two for yes." Humans can communicate feedback, how does a horse? I don't know, but it would be fun to watch a horse exam.