I Been A Bad Boy!

Sunday morning I woke up with the lowest weight I've had in years, 234. I was pretty excited about that and decided to celebrate a little. So, did I celebrate by going for a good long walk? Of course not. Did I celebrate by fixing a healthy, all fruit smoothie? Nyet, comrade. Instead I got a craving for Chinese food. And not just any Chinese food, I'm talking about the Mecca of Chinese food for me, Chef Wang's in Murfreesboro, TN. That's an hour's drive from me, but if I had to, I would crawl there on my knees, barefooted, and flagellating myself with a cat-o-nine tails if it meant a pilgrimage of Chinese food binge eating. The place is extremely crowded, even on Sunday afternoons at 3:30 p.m., when I went yesterday. Angels open the door for you, and inside the scintillating aroma of the Hibachi grill and General Tso's Chicken assault your senses with a promise that Heaven awaits just as soon as you are seated. My mouth started watering twenty miles away just thinking about it. On a cloud, I floated into the buffet room, awaiting the 72 Virgin dishes laid out for me to sample. I was washed away in their warm embrace, snuggling close to the cream cheese won tons, then slipping into the welcoming arms of the Beef and broccoli. On and on I went, from dish to dish in an ecstasy reserved only for the greatest devotees of all-you-can-eat cuisine. Then, I hit the desserts. Sitting at the table, the mound of used plates stacked before me, reality started creeping back in. Well, it exploded in, as my stomach groaned in severe protest. I was so full that I didn't want to eat anything else the rest of the day. My face was as green as the broccoli. Then, the waiter came with the fortune cookie. I couldn't dream of eating the cookie itself, but with trembling fingers I broke it in two and read my fortune: "Confucius say 'You blew it, fatso!'"

Today, I'm back up to 236.